Black is godly

Black spells of elegance and mystique, of glorious masculinity, and of power and authority. There seems to be an intuitive impression akin to black that draws many to it. Maybe because it exists in a paradox, as I believe it does. You can stare at its emptiness only to discover infinity andin its presumed lack of art only to find beauty in perfection.

rainy christmas

it’s raining again, and i don’t wanna go home until it tills. so im here trapped in the internet cafe trying to pass the time out.

i thought this sudden pour was quite unusual because the noon day heat was burning just hours ago. but i was reminded – unfortunately- by a far memory of a chubby – mayhap bulky – mrs v that science tells otherwise. the water was simply condensing that time, giving off the bloody heat. now the process ought to be finished coz sky’s dropping all the water down.

in a dark tunnel

i am in a dark tunnel. i feel so alone, isolated. i’ve tried to run many times, in hope that i may see a ray of light up ahead, but my efforts are to no avail. panting, i cursed the world endlessly till my throat ran dry. my voice echoed in the darkness around, strong, angry, devastated. many times i thought i heard myself cry. but no, i was still cursing, blaming everyone, the world, for putting me in such an awful fate. i felt i do not deserve this. i felt i knew i started it wrong, and now i can’t seem to turn the tide the other way.

my perfect world

a perfect world.

when i was still young, and i mean really young, i used to dream of a place where i can get all the jolens in the world, where speaking of ghosts and moomoos is a crime and death its sole consequence, where mother won’t pinch me for some petty crimes like stealing a five peso coin, and where lights are always turned on during the night.

when i was in my kindergarten days, my idea of a perfect world started to change. i was dreaming of a place where bully kids are a total cipher, where toys aren’t just for an hour of play but for every hour of the day, where candies and lollipops aren’t dental criminals, and where basketball shows do not conflict with my favorite cartoons.

and then elementary came and i was talking like a real man. once again, my idea of a perfect world changed. a perfect world for me then was a place where FVR rots in hell, where macho wannabees turned out to be gays, where girls kiss me a lot, where my parents are with me forever, and where victory is always my smile.

and then, high school. i was dreaming of yet another perfect world. it is a world where Filipinos love themselves and their country, where luxury is not only a necessity but a right, where money is not scarce and monopolized, where a good life is not a matter of life and death, where wars aren’t a form of entertainment, and where peace isn’t so rare.

and now that i’m in college, my perfect world is yet again taking another form. this time, im dreaming of a world where communication is not a pride-consuming monster, where love is not a shit that so many people find so difficult to give, where ambition is not the same with purpose, where forever is not only a word, where children rule the world, where complexity is nothing but a theory, and simplicity is the law.

a perfect world.

is there?

shifting?

i was close to breaking all hopes of becoming a chemical engineer the moment we started analysing anions. i really think that that experiment was such a crap, a great demoralizing agent in the field of chemistry. grabe naman kasi. the first and second sessions passed by without giving me any results! it was so distressing for me, especially when others seem to go through everything smoothly, with every ion appearing after another. arrghh… now the misery of chem eng is in and i admit that so far i am not handling it quite well. every affirmative said is always drowned by the reality that i am not getting any results!!

surely, chemistry has its merits, but it also has its follies that can prove really difficult to deal with. i guess the foremost thing is that you have to have a lab to practice and hone your skills. of course, you can’t bring the chemicals home, and so you have to live with having to do things in school. that’s where the other courses take ground. the capricious chemicals in chem are unlike the nasty numbers in math or physics where you are given the time of the world and the comfort of home to tame and beat them out. In chemistry, it’s always a matter of racing against time, and wishing against all luck that the ionic bastards would appear. i guess that’s why im having a debate going on inside me now whether i would be better off giving up the course and finding another one, preferrably ie or physics or math.

these thoughts have been lingering for over a week now, and though there is a ring of truth in all that i said, a part of me still wants to give chem a shot. im still in my second year anyway, and analysing anions may just be an ugly thread in a bigger, more beautiful tapestry which i might discover further along the way. diba? but even if i am generally optimistic, i am not entirely trashing out the possibilities. nevertheless, im glad that the intensity, which may be proportional to possibility, has at least subsided to a low profile.

haay..am i being too emotional? im afraid sec. gonzalez might say all these beefing are only a result of me being a “griping student”. hehe. i just hope he would not.

hahaha!! oi, im sooo happy!!
thanks to luck, after wishing badly for it, i finally found the anions i was looking for the third day of the lab session (oh..life is sometimes merciful, isn’t it?) although im not sure that the anions i got were the right ones, it’s still a great relief that i didn’t get a zilch.